How Past Rejection Fuels Your Fear Today (And How to Heal It)
How Past Rejection Fuels Your Fear Today (And How to Heal It)
Take your power back - one small step at a time.
Hey everyone!
Have you ever felt paralyzed at the thought of trying something new, only to hear that nagging voice whisper, “What if I fail?” This fear was so present for me that I had it tattooed on my ankle to remind myself: “What if I fly?”
Fear of rejection often comes from old wounds—those times when we were told "no," mocked, or made to feel like we didn’t belong. In this blog, I want to explore how these experiences shape our beliefs and share practical steps to help you move past the fear that keeps you stuck.
How Fear of Rejection Starts (The Root Causes)
Our fear of rejection often starts in childhood. Before the age of eight, we absorb everything around us, operating primarily in Theta state—a learning mode where we “download” behaviors, beliefs, and patterns from our environment.
For me, I was raised by a single mom who struggled with low self-confidence and self-worth. I learned to see the world through a similar lens. While I had my own experiences, I mirrored her emotional struggles in many ways.
As I grew up with these emotional roots, I started interpreting rejection through that same lens. I desperately wanted to be loved and accepted, and whenever I didn’t receive that, it felt like rejection—like a deep, emotional injury.
Rejection hurts because it triggers the same pain centers in the brain as physical injury. A child’s mind doesn't yet understand nuance, so every “no,” exclusion, or criticism feels personal. When I was told that my “magical imagination” wasn’t acceptable, I internalized it as "I’m not good enough"—a belief that followed me into adulthood.
When these emotional wounds remain unhealed, we start avoiding opportunities altogether, believing that trying isn’t worth the risk. I remember times when I wasn’t “allowed” to play with other kids. Eventually, I stopped asking altogether, withdrawing into myself and becoming a wallflower.
Why Fear of Rejection Keeps You Stuck
When we carry unresolved emotions, they begin to drive our behaviors, even without us realizing it. We make choices to avoid situations where rejection might happen—just to stay safe.
This creates patterns of procrastination, perfectionism, self-sabotage, and avoidance. The internal story becomes: “If I try and fail, I’ll prove I’m not good enough.”
Here’s the equation I’ve come to understand:
Experience + Emotion = Trigger (Reaction)
By my twenties, this belief had grown strong. I’d gathered plenty of “proof” that trying only led to failure. I would freeze when challenged or pressured, convinced that avoiding discomfort was the safest route. The fear of rejection became a heavy weight that kept me in my comfort zone, even though deep down, I wanted so much more.
Shifting the Story—What If Rejection is Just Feedback?
One of the first personal development books I read was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It introduced me to four life-changing principles:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Don’t Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best
That second agreement—Don’t Take Anything Personally—was a tough pill to swallow. I struggled to accept that other people’s words and actions were about them, not me. But over time, I saw the truth in it: Rejection is never really about us—it’s about the other person’s experience.
This insight allowed me to reframe rejection as feedback, not failure. In fact, successful people view failure this way—it’s just data that helps them improve.
Here’s the new equation:
Experience - Emotion = Wisdom
Wisdom is what happens when we learn to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. When rejection becomes feedback, it no longer holds power over us—we become free to try again.
Practical Steps to Release Fear and Take Action Anyway
Get Curious About the Fear: Ask yourself, "What am I really afraid of?"
Challenge the Thought: Is this fear based on fact—or an old story that no longer serves me?
Visualize Success: Spend a few minutes each day imagining yourself succeeding in your goals.
Take Micro-Steps: Start small—each tiny action builds trust in yourself.
Celebrate Rejection: Create a “failure collection” where every “no” brings you closer to a “yes.” This could be other people’s “no” or even the times you say "no" to what no longer aligns with you.
A Personal Story From My Journey
When I first started as a coach, I found myself procrastinating. I told myself I needed more certifications, a perfect website—anything to delay actually putting myself out there. Deep down, I was terrified.
Why? Because people I respected had mocked life coaches. I worried that if I told people about my work, I’d be ridiculed or dismissed. Even when I felt called to name my company Practical Spiritualism, fear held me back.
At times, the fear of rejection silenced me. But gradually, as I stayed on my journey, I noticed more people becoming open to what I was doing. I realized that their opinions had nothing to do with me—and everything to do with them.
The breakthrough came when I accepted that I needed to be fully myself, regardless of others’ judgments. And the same goes for you—the world needs you to show up exactly as you are.
It’s Time to Take Back Your Power
Fear of rejection doesn’t define you—action does. Every time you take a step forward, even if it’s small, you teach yourself that you are capable.
This week, I challenge you to take one step toward something you’ve been avoiding out of fear. Remember: It’s not about the outcome—it’s about proving to yourself that you can.
The world needs your light. Don’t let fear dim it.
I see the Light in you, and it is brilliant.
Brightest of blessings,
Dawn xo
The Awakening Light
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