When Traumas Get Triggered

Recently I became aware of a very old trigger. You know, those things buried deep inside you that if someone bumps, you freak - fight (anger or attack), flight (ghost the person or people), freeze (and hope they can’t see you), or fawn (say yes when you want to say no, etc).

In the past my go to trigger response has been mostly either passive-aggressive behavior or anger-blame. Because of this I worked hard to heal those wounds. Hurt people hurt people. If we don’t deal and heal, we end up projecting our pain onto others. We blame someone for making us angry when in reality all they did was bump into the anger that already existed within us. Once I became aware of the damage my triggers were perpetuating onto other people I decided to make it a silent mission of healing. I have had some bumpy roads.

First, I needed to understand that experiences are part of the life journey….

Embracing Holistic Coaching: Your Path to Wholeness

Today, I want to dive into a topic that has the power to transform lives and bring about profound personal growth: holistic coaching.

Picture this: You're sitting at a crossroads in your life, feeling a bit stuck and unsure of where to turn. You might be grappling with career decisions, struggling to maintain a healthy work-life balance, or simply seeking a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment. Traditional coaching has its merits, but what if I told you there's a coaching approach that considers the entirety of who you are, not just isolated aspects of your life?

Holistic coaching has the power to be a game-changer in the world of personal development and well-being.

Mercy

About a month ago I was given two lessons that I would need to learn and embody to continue my own personal expansion. The two words were mercy and humility. Now, like most people, I had a good idea of the meaning of the words so as I listened, I accepted the lessons. Every day, throughout the day I repeat these two words to myself. Earlier this week I felt I should look up the meanings of the two words to fully understand how I would embody them.

Humility – a quality of being humble

Then I found 6 Attributes of Healthy Humility

They acknowledge they don't have it all together. ...

They know the difference between self-confidence and pride. ...

They seek to add value to others. ...

They take responsibility for their actions. ...

They understand the shadow side of success. ...

They are filled with gratitude for what they have.

Forgiveness

Do you forgive easily? How about hold a grudge?

Have you had others hold grudges against you?

I enjoy my work. One of the main reasons is that I like the journey inward. It is not always comfortable, actually, it rarely is! However, it is through this journey that I can see myself clearly, release and learn from past experiences, and give my Self permission to expand.

One thing that makes me cringe is hearing the words “they will never change or can never change”. How do you know?

Have you ever experienced being treated like your younger self, even though the behaviors or choices are 10, 20, 30 years in the past? How do you feel when you are kept in an old box?

So often we don’t realize we do it, or the ones doing it are unaware of their own behavior. This is not just family (although very common) but friends and coworkers, etc.

The glass table

Who am I?

When I first asked this question, my answers were listed in every role I played, from daughter to mother to jobs. But the more I asked this question the more the answers changed.

A few years ago, I read a book called The Untethered Soul. In it, the author does a fabulous job of describing all the things we are not – body, mind, senses, intellect. This was a life changing moment for me as it would really catapult me into my spiritual quest of needing to know who I am.

Here is what I see…

We are each born as pure perfection. Imagine a crystal-clear glass table. All our thoughts, senses, emotions, actions, and those of others are like dust and debris. Each day some of this settles on the table. When we meditate, or go inward, it is like dusting or wiping it off. But, day after day, year after year, we don’t learn to do this, the clutter and debris pile up. After a while all we see is a table piled with junk. We identify the table with the clutter on top.

Self Care

Are you a caregiver?

What I mean by that is, do you care for and take care of all those around you? Are you often burnt out; your energy stores completely depleted?

On the spiritual journey there is a lot of guidance towards putting others first, to be selfless vs. selfish. Even the Dalai Lama spoke about the root cause of anxiety being a state of constantly thinking of yourself, the cure, he stated, altruism. To put the welfare and needs of others ahead of your own.

In the Gita, this is also a reoccurring teaching put forth as Karma Yoga or the path of selfless service. To be in service to all those around you, starting in the home first, then working your way out to friends, work, community, and so forth.

This got me thinking, what about yourself though? At what point do you put yourself first? When do you fill your own cup?

The thing is, if we are all doing this, you never have to because everyone else is putting you first. I realized that one of the reasons my cup is rarely empty (brain injury aside) is because I am surrounded by people that live this way. I wasn’t always, but just as I have grown and healed so have those around me. Some have left and others have come into my life. I have learned to be more nurturing by the osmosis of those I surround myself with.

What is self care then?