What Does a Problem-Focused Person Look Like?

If you find yourself stuck in problem mode, it might show up like this:

• Complaining: Always finding something wrong, whether it’s the weather, traffic, or other people’s actions. There’s a constant narrative of how life is happening to you.

• Blame and Victimhood: You might blame others for your struggles or feel like life is unfair. “Why does this always happen to me?” becomes a frequent thought.

• Pessimism: You expect the worst outcomes, seeing obstacles as roadblocks instead of challenges to overcome. “What’s the point in trying?” echoes in your mind.

• Inaction: Feeling overwhelmed by problems leads to analysis paralysis, leaving you stuck and frustrated. It’s hard to move forward when all you see are reasons you can’t.

Negative Self-Talk: You might catch yourself thinking, "I’m not good enough," or "I always mess things up." This inner dialogue feeds the problem-focused cycle and keeps you from seeing possibilities. (Mine was always. “But what if I fall / fail”)

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Understanding People-Pleasing: Why Do We Do It?

People-pleasing isn’t just about being nice; it’s about seeking approval and avoiding conflict. Deep down, it’s driven by a fear of rejection or not being liked. We’ve all been there—shifting ourselves to fit into others' expectations just to keep the peace. While it might seem harmless, over time, this behavior can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of self.

So, why do we do it? Often, it comes from a place of insecurity or a desire to feel valued. We’ve been conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to how much we can do for others. But here’s the truth: Your value isn’t determined by how well you please others. It’s about how true you can be to yourself.

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How many choices or decisions have you made today that were NOT driven by fear, anger, worry, overwhelm, or insecurity? For many of us the answer is either none, or not many!

Have you ever felt like you’re not fully in control of your life? Like no matter what you do, something outside of you is pulling the strings? Maybe it’s other people’s expectations, societal norms, or even your own past experiences. If you’re nodding your head right now, you’re not alone. But here’s the truth: you have the power to change that. You have the power to reclaim your sovereignty.

What Is Sovereignty, Really?

Sovereignty is a term that’s often misunderstood. People tend to equate it with control—control over circumstances, other people, or even their own emotions. But true sovereignty isn’t about control at all. It’s about freedom.

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How Do You Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty?

Many people struggle with guilt when setting boundaries. It’s crucial to understand that taking care of yourself is not selfish. It’s necessary. When you feel guilty, remind yourself that by setting boundaries, you’re creating healthier relationships. You’re also modeling self-respect and teaching others to do the same. Boundaries are one way that we cultivate intimacy (IN TO ME SEE). We do so first with ourselves by exploring out needs, and then with others when we communicate them

Start small. Practice saying no without over-explaining. Be clear and direct. No is a complete sentence. We don’t need to justify it. We can deliver it with kindness - in our eyes, tone of voice, and body language. For example, if you’re unable to attend an event, simply say, “I appreciate the invitation, but I won’t be able to make it.” No need to elaborate unless you feel comfortable doing so.

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