When Traumas Get Triggered

Recently I became aware of a very old trigger. You know, those things buried deep inside you that if someone bumps, you freak - fight (anger or attack), flight (ghost the person or people), freeze (and hope they can’t see you), or fawn (say yes when you want to say no, etc). 

In the past my go to trigger response has been mostly either passive-aggressive behavior or anger-blame. Because of this I worked hard to heal those wounds. Hurt people hurt people. If we don’t deal and heal, we end up projecting our pain onto others. We blame someone for making us angry when in reality all they did was bump into the anger that already existed within us. Once I became aware of the damage my triggers were perpetuating onto other people I decided to make it a silent mission of healing. I have had some bumpy roads. 

First, I needed to understand that experiences are part of the life journey. Then I needed to grasp that experiences aren’t necessarily personal. This pissed me off! This shows itself when someone is acting out and you get in their path. What they're freaking out about isn't about you, it's about them! This means people are just behaving and our paths are crossing. We take it personally because we're the  center of our own world. But it's not personal, because their behavior is coming from their world. 

Once we're able to grasp that we can move on to the next step, which is letting it go. You know that old saying forgive and forget? Well that's not really true. It is actually forgive and don't forget. That means we let go of the pain, or the emotional attachment, and we remember the experience which allows it to evolve into wisdom. When we keep the emotional attachment that's what creates a trigger. 

Experience + emotional attachment = TRIGGER (good or bad)

Experience - emotional attachment = WISDOM

So, back to my story… I am creating something important to me that is part of my life's purpose. It is time to launch it and I FREEZE! This is an old response that I have been able to hide. Suddenly I am doing housework, scrolling social media, reading a book, anything but what needs to get done. I finally pin myself down and dig in. What’s up? I assumed it was an old story about rejection, but while I talk it out with my coach and our group I realize it is deeper and more painful. 

When I was a kid I was relentlessly bullied. This was done by kids and adults ridiculing me for my ideas, writing, stories, my laugh, looks, being poor - like I said, relentless. It was bad enough that by the time I hit my early teens I contemplated suicide which evolved into two attempts and a lot of self sabotaging behavior.

Now, here I am, decades later, and these old traumas are large and trying to be in charge. For me, ridicule is a threat to survival. It’s not only the pain of rejection and not fitting in, it’s a fear of death.

I know this seems extreme from a practical point of view. But from a trauma response it seems fair. So what do we do when something like this comes up? We can either move through the steps alone or we can talk about it.

For me, I am a believer in transmuting past karma - create awareness, learn and embody, then share and teach. So here we are with me sharing my journey, leaning into the discomfort and learning to love myself - crazy and all!

FYI. The ego loves to tell stories about why it’s important to keep our triggers. Such as, they protect me, fear reminds me not to let it happen again, if I forgive I am giving people permission to hurt me, etc. None of these are true. Holding onto the hurt keeps us bound to the past, leaching our energy, our creative life force. Only letting go brings us what we desire most. Sovereignty.

The base cause of all illness is chronic stress. Stress is caused by the lineages of fear and anger. Anger is the ego’s defense against fear. And fear is the illusion of separation. So whether we are scared or angry the base question is, ‘what or who am I afraid of losing or being separated from?’ Next question, ‘is this true?’ Finally, if the answer is yes, ‘show me proof.’ Will we choose to hold on and be dragged around by our own suffering? Or, will we choose to soften the grip, so that we may respond rather than react? 

Sometimes we will lose something or someone only to realize later that that was the gift the whole time.

By combining practical strategies with spiritual principles, we can achieve our dreams and live a life of abundance and joy.

I see the light in you. And it is brilliant.

Brightest of blessings,

Dawn xo

The Awakening Light

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