Are You Problem-Focused? How Shifting Your Mindset Can Transform Your Life
What Does a Problem-Focused Person Look Like?
If you find yourself stuck in problem mode, it might show up like this:
Complaining: Always finding something wrong, whether it’s the weather, traffic, or other people’s actions. There’s a constant narrative of how life is happening to you.
Blame and Victimhood: You might blame others for your struggles or feel like life is unfair. “Why does this always happen to me?” becomes a frequent thought.
Pessimism: You expect the worst outcomes, seeing obstacles as roadblocks instead of challenges to overcome. “What’s the point in trying?” echoes in your mind.
Inaction: Feeling overwhelmed by problems leads to analysis paralysis, leaving you stuck and frustrated. It’s hard to move forward when all you see are reasons you can’t.
Negative Self-Talk: You might catch yourself thinking, "I’m not good enough," or "I always mess things up." This inner dialogue feeds the problem-focused cycle and keeps you from seeing possibilities. (Mine was always. “But what if I fall / fail”)
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How to Stop People-Pleasing: A Guide to Setting Boundaries and Embracing Your True Self
Understanding People-Pleasing: Why Do We Do It?
People-pleasing isn’t just about being nice; it’s about seeking approval and avoiding conflict. Deep down, it’s driven by a fear of rejection or not being liked. We’ve all been there—shifting ourselves to fit into others' expectations just to keep the peace. While it might seem harmless, over time, this behavior can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of self.
So, why do we do it? Often, it comes from a place of insecurity or a desire to feel valued. We’ve been conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to how much we can do for others. But here’s the truth: Your value isn’t determined by how well you please others. It’s about how true you can be to yourself.
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Claiming Your Sovereignty: The Key to Living Your Authentic Life
How many choices or decisions have you made today that were NOT driven by fear, anger, worry, overwhelm, or insecurity? For many of us the answer is either none, or not many!
Have you ever felt like you’re not fully in control of your life? Like no matter what you do, something outside of you is pulling the strings? Maybe it’s other people’s expectations, societal norms, or even your own past experiences. If you’re nodding your head right now, you’re not alone. But here’s the truth: you have the power to change that. You have the power to reclaim your sovereignty.
What Is Sovereignty, Really?
Sovereignty is a term that’s often misunderstood. People tend to equate it with control—control over circumstances, other people, or even their own emotions. But true sovereignty isn’t about control at all. It’s about freedom.
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The Truth About Boundaries.
How Do You Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty?
Many people struggle with guilt when setting boundaries. It’s crucial to understand that taking care of yourself is not selfish. It’s necessary. When you feel guilty, remind yourself that by setting boundaries, you’re creating healthier relationships. You’re also modeling self-respect and teaching others to do the same. Boundaries are one way that we cultivate intimacy (IN TO ME SEE). We do so first with ourselves by exploring out needs, and then with others when we communicate them
Start small. Practice saying no without over-explaining. Be clear and direct. No is a complete sentence. We don’t need to justify it. We can deliver it with kindness - in our eyes, tone of voice, and body language. For example, if you’re unable to attend an event, simply say, “I appreciate the invitation, but I won’t be able to make it.” No need to elaborate unless you feel comfortable doing so.
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When Traumas Get Triggered
When Traumas Get Triggered
Recently I became aware of a very old trigger. You know, those things buried deep inside you that if someone bumps, you freak - fight (anger or attack), flight (ghost the person or people), freeze (and hope they can’t see you), or fawn (say yes when you want to say no, etc).
In the past my go to trigger response has been mostly either passive-aggressive behavior or anger-blame. Because of this I worked hard to heal those wounds. Hurt people hurt people. If we don’t deal and heal, we end up projecting our pain onto others. We blame someone for making us angry when in reality all they did was bump into the anger that already existed within us. Once I became aware of the damage my triggers were perpetuating onto other people I decided to make it a silent mission of healing. I have had some bumpy roads.
First, I needed to understand that experiences are part of the life journey….
Embracing Holistic Coaching: Your Path To Wholeness
Embracing Holistic Coaching: Your Path to Wholeness
Today, I want to dive into a topic that has the power to transform lives and bring about profound personal growth: holistic coaching.
Picture this: You're sitting at a crossroads in your life, feeling a bit stuck and unsure of where to turn. You might be grappling with career decisions, struggling to maintain a healthy work-life balance, or simply seeking a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment. Traditional coaching has its merits, but what if I told you there's a coaching approach that considers the entirety of who you are, not just isolated aspects of your life?
Holistic coaching has the power to be a game-changer in the world of personal development and well-being.
Mercy
Mercy
About a month ago I was given two lessons that I would need to learn and embody to continue my own personal expansion. The two words were mercy and humility. Now, like most people, I had a good idea of the meaning of the words so as I listened, I accepted the lessons. Every day, throughout the day I repeat these two words to myself. Earlier this week I felt I should look up the meanings of the two words to fully understand how I would embody them.
Humility – a quality of being humble
Then I found 6 Attributes of Healthy Humility
They acknowledge they don't have it all together. ...
They know the difference between self-confidence and pride. ...
They seek to add value to others. ...
They take responsibility for their actions. ...
They understand the shadow side of success. ...
They are filled with gratitude for what they have.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Do you forgive easily? How about hold a grudge?
Have you had others hold grudges against you?
I enjoy my work. One of the main reasons is that I like the journey inward. It is not always comfortable, actually, it rarely is! However, it is through this journey that I can see myself clearly, release and learn from past experiences, and give my Self permission to expand.
One thing that makes me cringe is hearing the words “they will never change or can never change”. How do you know?
Have you ever experienced being treated like your younger self, even though the behaviors or choices are 10, 20, 30 years in the past? How do you feel when you are kept in an old box?
So often we don’t realize we do it, or the ones doing it are unaware of their own behavior. This is not just family (although very common) but friends and coworkers, etc.
The Glass Table
The glass table
Who am I?
When I first asked this question, my answers were listed in every role I played, from daughter to mother to jobs. But the more I asked this question the more the answers changed.
A few years ago, I read a book called The Untethered Soul. In it, the author does a fabulous job of describing all the things we are not – body, mind, senses, intellect. This was a life changing moment for me as it would really catapult me into my spiritual quest of needing to know who I am.
Here is what I see…
We are each born as pure perfection. Imagine a crystal-clear glass table. All our thoughts, senses, emotions, actions, and those of others are like dust and debris. Each day some of this settles on the table. When we meditate, or go inward, it is like dusting or wiping it off. But, day after day, year after year, we don’t learn to do this, the clutter and debris pile up. After a while all we see is a table piled with junk. We identify the table with the clutter on top.
Self Care
Self Care
Are you a caregiver?
What I mean by that is, do you care for and take care of all those around you? Are you often burnt out; your energy stores completely depleted?
On the spiritual journey there is a lot of guidance towards putting others first, to be selfless vs. selfish. Even the Dalai Lama spoke about the root cause of anxiety being a state of constantly thinking of yourself, the cure, he stated, altruism. To put the welfare and needs of others ahead of your own.
In the Gita, this is also a reoccurring teaching put forth as Karma Yoga or the path of selfless service. To be in service to all those around you, starting in the home first, then working your way out to friends, work, community, and so forth.
This got me thinking, what about yourself though? At what point do you put yourself first? When do you fill your own cup?
The thing is, if we are all doing this, you never have to because everyone else is putting you first. I realized that one of the reasons my cup is rarely empty (brain injury aside) is because I am surrounded by people that live this way. I wasn’t always, but just as I have grown and healed so have those around me. Some have left and others have come into my life. I have learned to be more nurturing by the osmosis of those I surround myself with.
What is self care then?
What is Spiritual Coaching?
What is Spiritual Coaching?
First, I think it is important to understand what coaching is. A life coach helps you move from where you are to where you want to be in life. Whether I am working with a client on business or personal goals, I am constantly supporting a mindful, balanced approach. As a person who was way out of balance in my previous life chapter, I am hyper aware of the importance when coaching and supporting the journey of others.
Where all forms of life coaching (business, mindset, vocation, relationship,etc.) are about asking powerful questions and supporting your journey from point A to B on a conscious level, spiritual coaching uses a blend of techniques - powerful questions as well as sharing guidance, wisdom, and often forms of energy healing and intuitive therapies - to go beneath the identity of mind and body or self, and explore the who you really are, the Self.
We are often trying to change behaviors and patterns without understanding that these are symptoms of something deeper at the subconscious level. However, when we learn and understand who and what we really are we are able to go to the source of a pattern to create lasting change.
Emotional Hoarding
Do you hoard your emotions?
What do I mean by this? Well, do you hold on to your emotions even after the experience has passed? Do you keep them ALL? How about some?
As I have expanded into my life, I have become fascinated by somatics, or trapped energy, and how it plays out. Not only in personalities, but in each person’s personal reality. Subconsciously we tell ourselves that we are keeping the emotional ties to past experiences so that they don’t happen again. Or maybe so that we can stay alert for the next enjoyable moment, just like the last one. When we remember our past experiences with emotions attached, they etch deeper into our memories. Add smell or taste and you can pretty much guarantee yourself that you will never fully forget.
Freedom in the Little Things
This morning as I was reading on detachment my awareness was drawn to the coffee beside me. Slowly the awareness unfolded. We think of attachment often as big things like addiction, but attachment is really about senses and how they create our expectations and compulsions. Drinking a cup of coffee that you enjoy is fine. Needing to drink it is not. Whether that need is because of the outcome of drinking caffeine or the habit that changes your mood if you can’t have it; you, the Self, is not in control, your senses are, and they are directing your mind and your body.
Healthy Boundaries
I definitely did not have healthy boundaries when I was younger. Low self-esteem had me willing to take the scraps of other people’s time and attention. Wow, that sounds really sad! But, it is the truth. It wasn't until I started to work on my self-worth that I was able to start setting boundaries, and at first I didn't handle it in a healthy way. Usually it was done with resentment, pissed off that I had to set it and people didn't just 'know'. This is really confrontation as opposed to setting boundaries, let alone healthy ones. This passive-aggressive behaviour often ‘bit me in the ass’ with relationships falling apart and my own self-disappointment.
To be able to set a healthy boundary we must first journey inward.